News from da unliving lovely Sekhmet

Dull-skinned and dreary-eyed, I clambered out of my coffin and surveyed the post-birthday-carnage in my tomb. Only a few friends had made it through the night: a Tauren slumped in a corner clutching a cheese sandwich, two fellow-undeads who had clearly fallen asleep while trying to unkill each other (again), and a curiously delicate and ethereal blonde blood elf. I shielded my eyes from the unseemly light coming from Salhire’s halo, and made my way blindly to the kitchen.

Several cups of tea later (what do you mean I don’t have a bladder anymore??), I realised two things.
1: my favourite leggings were missing from my wardrobe.
2: the extremely large chocolate birthday cake was gone. In its place was a punch-card which read “All your cake are belong to us. Love, Pathaleon. *mwah* “

My howl of anguish (I know, where does that echo come from?!) woke all of my companions, and also my neighbour – sorry Sylvanas!. For the sake of cake everywhere we heroically invaded The Mechanar, methodically destroying one after another of Pathaleon’s minions, before we swept up to the big blonde himself in a wave of rage, fury, shadow-anger, demonic aggression – and Sal’s whiter-than-white halo ofc. We put the fear of Undercity into the great ponce and it wasn’t long before he started snivelling like a girl and fell to the floor, reaching out to the Sunwell one last time before his internal calculator lost battery forever.

The prat forgot to tell me where my leggings were before he carked it. However, we did find the chocolate cake nearby, and after taking care of Path’s equally blonde girlfriend, Sepethrea, had a right old kneesup. I lost a knee-cap once…

Sekhmet.

A few days ago we organised a trip into da land of da bugs and vsited a place called Ahn Qiraj in Silithus. Lots of da guild went coz many of us hadn't seen dis fabled city of da old bug empire. We went in like a storm and after defeating a few of da bug bosses we came across a huge pink bug dat made people bigger and turned dem against their friends.

Dis was a bad fing and coz it made those affected feel bad we chose to avoid dis bit of da empire and explorer a smaller bit. We did well and Cylandra found a very odd mount so a quick 'my mount is weirder than yours' competition was held, Cy's bug was daobvious winner.

Eventually we hit a wall of wasps, winged people and giant standing up scorpions dat just kept coming and coming no matter what we did so after spending what seemed like years killing them we came out of da bug capital as we couldn't get any further.

It was obviously once a terrible and beautiful place and it would have been good to see it in ages past before da war but da past is best left in da past - I bet it was something to see though.

As dere were lots and lots of us and da sun was still in da sky we took a little trip to Ashenvale where to da North East is a big dragon sat in front of a portal. A few of us had always wondered what was on da uva side of da portal so once more we charged da enemy and battle commenced. Many were da tricks of da dragon, slowin down spells and makin three of himself and it soon became obvious dat dis foe was too much for us without a bit of plannin.

I fink next time da mood takes da guild to go dragon huntin I'm going to ask aroud a bit first and get some advice from da elders of da tribes.

After speakin to da troll shamans about Zul'jin and his decent into da madness ten of us went back into Zul Aman to see how far he has fallen. After another run in wiv da bear avator we came across a another great troll warrior wif an eagle head who we later found out was called Akil'zon. Dis guy was a bit more interesting and threw storms and birds at us. It did him no good - Zenith was more than a match for this feathered freak.

We learned dat da storms were concentrated on one person and if we stayed under da cloud we were safe, I was shootin all his bird friends every time he summoned them so dey weren't a problem either. Once his tricks were gone he fell very quickly.

We spotted some more avatars but da night was fallin and it's never wise to go into da stronghold of da enemy when you can't see where your going, especially since we saw some lynxes and everyone knows cats can see in da dark.

After da last visit to Medivh's tower, Karazhan, we spotted a ramp leading up to an area we hadn't explored so last night after giving da bag of bones, Nightbane, a good thrashing we went for a look. Prowling around da room was a huge blue ghostly dragon, dis was Netherspite, and after a quick chat Snikks charged in to engage da beast in combat.

Many were da tricks of Netherpsite, portals dat made beams that helped him and hindered us but we soon found dat if we stood in da way of da beams he got weaker faster, and we got stronger. Afer a long fight which was a bit complicated and needed much shoutin and thinkin Netherpsite went down.

He was hidin some good stuff which made Snikks and Verminaard very happy.

After defeating dis dragon we hunted da rest of da denizens of Karazhan and came to a giant bat in da cellar - once again dis fell to our might for dis was the night Zenith made Karazhan their own.

I was wonderin around da home of da Blood Elves a while ago when i heard news dat da mighty Amani tribe was reforming under da great troll boss Zul'jin so I went for a look at dis place called Zul Aman where he is rebuilding his army. When we opened da door we were attacked - no warnin, no talking so we fought back but on dat first time many moons ago we was so shocked we had to run. Dis time we went in armed and armored and came face to face wiv da troll warrior Nalorakk who was part bear spirit.

Nufin stands in our way when da mojo is flowin and after he tried to escape by changin to a bear a few times we got him. We've dun a bit of searchin and it looks like Zul'jin has turned to da darker powers and is now set on vengence against da blood elves - he has a thing against elves since dey cut him real bad.

If only he'd take a smoke and a drink and chat to da blood elves he would understand they're not his enemy and are a good bit of da horde. But vengence, I guess, is all dat is left of dis great warrior - what a waste - i hope da spirits of da afterlife are kind to him when he goes to meet them.